I’ve had to step away from my writing projects over a few months as my dad died and I have responsibility now for caring for my elderly mum and aunt as well as my son, who was the inspiration behind Dylan’s story.

Bereavement and autism are an interesting combination. My son reminds me that dying is natural, it is a part of life. Also, he has no anxiety or squeamishness thinking about death, and this is a relief, in many ways. I don’t want him to feel the pain that I’m experiencing. I’m curious though to know if he genuinely is ok.

I feel that I have to hide my grief to an extent, as he is not comfortable with strong emotions and although I think he misses my dad he does not cry or talk about him. He did not attend his funeral, but he did make a piece of music with his music mentor that was played there, it echoed the type of music my dad enjoyed.

He was close to his grand dad. Both could talk endlessly, and they had an easy comfort with each other. My dad shared his experiences of struggle and mental health challenge, helping my son open up as he grew older, and feel validated and understood.

Perhaps this is what we hold on to. I talk about my dad as much as I can with him and give him space to share. We’ve looked at lots of pictures together as I have been clearing my dad’s house and keeping the memories close. We kept some of my dad’s ashes. His final resting place is a long way away from where we live. Jack has chosen to bury them under an apple tree that we are about to choose and plant in the garden.